


Only Straight Guys Fix Bicycles

by UAs_Fics



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 05:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14466402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UAs_Fics/pseuds/UAs_Fics
Summary: Tweek finally learned why Craigstoleborrowed all those bicycles.





	Only Straight Guys Fix Bicycles

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [This ask post](http://cheylouwho.tumblr.com/post/173115752576/that-stan-pretending-to-be-a-straight-male-who) by cheylouwho and another post I cannot for the life of me find that broke down hints that Craig may have been gay from early on, but hiding it for his dad's sake, or something akin to that.

Craig still had himself another forty-five minutes to enjoy curled up in his boyfriend's bed. Forty-five glorious, glorious minutes of warm cuddling, breathing in the smell of coffee, morning spring fabric softener, and the cologne Tweek accidently dumped earlier that week that continued to stubbornly cling to the sheets. Forty-five minutes of Tweek's arm around his middle and his nose pressed against his neck until Craig had to get up and sneak back out the window to go home before his own parents awoke. Forty-five glorious minutes.

Or they would be glorious, if Tweek would kindly stop tapping against Craig's stomach with his fingertips. 

With a huff, Craig slipped his hand under the covers and grabbed Tweek's fingers midtap.

"Stop, babe," he mumbled. "I know you're awake at this time of night, but I'm not. Let me sleep."

"Ack!" Tweek stiffened. "Sorry, sorry, just, nnng, thinking." 

Craig released Tweek's fingers and laid his arm back down. With a contented sigh, Craig began to doze back off. Just as the rest of the world began to fade into unconsciousness, he felt another tap.

Craig groan, rolling over to glare. "Tweek." 

"Sorry!" Tweek scooted back a little. He pulled his hand to his chest.

Craig let out a breath. Usually when Craig snuck over to sleep with Tweek, Tweek was very considerate about Craig's sleep schedule compared to his own. Sure, sometimes that meant that Craig would wake up alone with Tweek sitting idly at his computer desk, but Tweek rarely woke him up before it was time for Craig to hurry home. For Tweek to break that routine, something must be wrong.

"What's the matter?" Craig asked as he grabbed Tweek's arm and put it back over his side. It was meant to be there, tapping or not.

"Nothing's the matter," Tweek replied. "I'm just thinking."

"About what?" Craig asked through a yawn. He wasn't going to push too hard for information if Tweek decided not to give it, at least, not that early in the morning.

"My bike. It's broken, something with the chain, I think? I have to walk the deliveries around town until I can figure out how to fix it. It's a, argh, pain in the ass." 

Craig made a sound of understanding. Since Tweak Bro's had open their delivery service, Tweek had been biking around town more than ever. Tweek tried near daily to get permission to use the car, even though he still only had his permit, but his parents always refused.

 _'It'll build character and your calf muscles!'_ They told him.

Craig hummed, then asked, "Do you want me to help? I know how to fix bicycles." 

Tweek snorted a laugh. It was an adorable sound that made Craig smile lazily.

"You mean when you, heh-heh, stole all those bikes back in, like, third grade?" Tweek teased.

"I didn't steal them. I borrowed them." Craig corrected. "And fixed them."

Tweek rolled his eyes. "Is that why your dad made you go and apologize for taking them without asking? Why did you even do that anyway?" 

Craig rolled his eyes right back before scooting closer and wrapping his own arm around Tweek. He nuzzled against Tweek's chest, pressing his palm against the middle of Tweek's upper back, as if the action could pull his boyfriend closer than he already was. Tweek's shirt smelled even more so of the dumped cologne than the sheets. Not that Craig was going to complain. He'd take this over the Axe Bath Clyde did after gym any day.

"Doesn't matter. I fixed them." He mumbled. "Now, let. Me. Sleep."

"Tell me later." Tweek took his free arm from Craig's side and tangled his fingers in his boyfriend's dark hair. Craig sleepily grunted the affirmative in response before finally drifting back off for another forty glorious, glorious minutes of sleep.

 

The fresh snow crunched under Craig's feet as he walked around the back of Tweak Bro's. He adjusted his backpack as he went. The clang of metal tools shuffling around in the bag alerted Tweek to his presence. Tweek looked up from his bicycle. He smiled before hurrying over to hug his boyfriend. 

"Thanks for doing this," Tweek pressed a kiss to Craig's cheek. 

"No problem. I'm practically an expert repair man." Craig replied as he shrugged off his bag. Tweek led him to the bicycle, and Craig stooped down. He turned the peddles a few times and tugged at the limp chain before nodding.

"Yeah, something's up with the chain drive. Looks kind of rusted." Craig tapped the chain as he spoke. "I think I still have some parts around my house. I could replace it, but it won't be today."

Tweek swore, "Fuck! I have to make a delivery in, like, five minutes."

Craig wiped his hands on his jeans before pushing himself up. "What me to walk with you?"

"You want to?" Tweek perked up.

"Sure," Craig shrugged. 

Tweek wrapped Craig in a half hug and rested his head on his shoulder. "Thanks, dude, and on the way, you can tell me about your bike crime spree."

Craig stiffened. "That wasn't a dream?"

"Every night with you is a dream," Tweek snickered, earning himself a playful shove away and a middle finger. Still chuckling, Tweek hurried into the store to grab his deliveries. After a moment, he popped back out with a large paper bag in hand. The Tweak Bro's logo printed on the front. 

Craig pulled on his backpack and ambled after his boyfriend to the street.

"So, your crime spree," Tweek began, "why'd you do it?"

"It's stupid." 

"I still wanna know." 

Craig sighed then ran a hand through his hair. "Ok, but remember, you asked, so you can't laugh." 

Tweek nodded for him to go on, watching Craig's face attentively. Or as attentively as he could without tripping and dropping his delivery. 

"Ok, the reason I borrowed all those bicycles back then was..." he let out a low breath, "was because only straight guys fix bicycles."

Tweek stopped, fixing Craig with a confused look. "What? That doesn't make any sense! You're the logical one here, dude, and that is so illogical that even I can't make sense of that!"

"I was nine!" Craig defended. "Back when I was nine, I didn't know that people were born gay. I thought you became gay by doing, well, girly things."

"'Girly things'? What? Explain?" Tweek shook his head as he started walking again. 

"The only gay guys I knew were Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave, and kind of our teacher. The way Dad complained about them when I was around, it was like how effeminately the talked and acted and junk was what made them gay, ya know? The issue with gay men wasn't that they liked other men, it was that they didn't act like a man 'should be' acting." Craig felt his face heating up. He knew exactly how stupid this sounded. Part of him wished he could go back six years and cuss out nine-year-old Craig for being such a dumbass.

As they came to the cross walk and waited for a car to pass, Craig looked away before speaking. "So I thought if I did some super manly things all the time, that one day I'd wake up, look out the window into the blue sky and think, _'yeah, I like boobies. Girls and only girls are the people I am attracted to and want to date!'_."

Tweek tried to cover his laughed but failed. "Did it work?"

"Considering I snuck into your house to spoon you last night? No, it did not." Craig relaxed a little. He stepped closer as they crossed the street and grabbed for Tweek's hand. A family cross the other way at the same time. The parents cranked their heads to watch Craig and Tweek with smiles on their faces. The usual reaction to Craig and Tweek's public displays of affection, even after all these years.

Tweek squeezed Craig's hand. "So, stealing is masculine, and you thought stealing bikes would make you straight?"

"No, I thought doing something masculine like fixing cars would make me straight if I did them enough, but since Dad wouldn't let me take apart the engine of our car, I went to the closest thing I had: fixing bicycles." Craig shrugged. "It just so happens that I have more gay thoughts than I had friends with bikes, so I started borrowing other people's to fix."

Craig waited for Tweek to take a jab at him for borrowing people's bicycles without permission, but instead Tweek hummed to himself before swinging their connected hands a little.

"You know," Tweek said as they stopped in front of the Photo Dojo, "I would still have like-liked you, even if that plan of yours did work." Before Craig could reply, an employee stepped out of the store. Craig took a step back, instantly wishing he didn't have to drop his hand away, and let Tweek handle the transaction. 

"Enjoy your cupcakes, and thank you for choosing Tweak Bro's," Tweek told the employee in his customer voice. It was almost eerie how Tweek had trained himself to switch between his normal, somewhat jittery, voice, to a calm collected one, not too unlike his father's, when he had to deal with customers. Maybe it was a Tweak family trait.

The Photo Dojo employee nodded and shut the door, a cupcake already shoved in his mouth.

Craig quickly reclaimed Tweek's hand. "You were saying? Something about already being enamoured by my hot looks and charm before we were dating?" 

Tweek breathed a laugh. "Actually, yeah, dude. Pretty much."

"Wait, seriously?" Craig stepped in front of Tweek and leaned down so their noses nearly touched. "Little nine-year-old Tweek Tweak had a crush on not as little nine-year-old me?" His lips curved up. "That's adorable."

"I got the crush when I was eight, actually. Get it right." Tweek laughed. He ducked around Craig and began to pull him back towards the coffee shop. 

"Well, I can't say I blame you. I was very desirable property back in the day. Girls just clamoured for _my_ affections. Fought each other tooth and nail just to hold my sticky little hand." Craig smirked. "And you? You, babe, didn't even have _try_ to get me. You pretty much won the lottery."

"Wasn't I voted more attractive by the girls in our class than you, Mr. Eleventh?" 

"I was twelfth on the fake list, actually. Get it right." 

Tweek laughed. He paused a moment before looking a way. "You know, this is going to sound corny but," He smiled up at Craig, "I'm really am happy your bicycle plan didn't work."

Craig felt his cheeks heat up. He grinned back for a beat before bending down, pressing a kiss on Tweek's forehead. 

"Yeah, I am, too."

**Author's Note:**

> [My art tumblr](uas-art.tumblr.com) if you want to follow me there.
> 
>  
> 
> [ Ichika27 drew some fan art for this fic, please go check it out!](https://ichika27.tumblr.com/post/175231917629/only-straight-guys-fix-bicyles-uasfics-south)


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